The appreciation of life and its wonder's...

Tell-tale signs

2011-07-16T02:10:00.003+08:00

Well, if you've been through various relationships as i have. When someone tells you its her not me, well she actually means its you. So quietly packing stuff and slowly distancing is just tell-tale signs that's its going to be over.

All i can do is wait now for those "never want to be heard" sentences.

Need a shift of life

2011-07-15T03:43:00.002+08:00

We must shift the way we see things from day to day, if we cloud our lives with heartache, anger, hate, and depression we are merely affirming that the devils legion of darkness is taking over us, i know what that feeling feels like and i will never ever go back to where i was ever again, but sadly lately ive fogotten many things and let myself slip into the darkness. I forgot that i should, each and everyday take a few minutes to focus on the day's task, close my eyes and think of the place that makes you happy or the people or person who brings you in to total bliss and that clams your heart and soul, and then start your day!! I have lost that bliss, and ever since i left melbourne ive been trying very hard to find it again, but ive failed and constantly find myself lost and figuring my way again, i do however sometimes imagining that im in Citylife melbourne sitting in the Row of seats i always sit at and let the word of God consume me ( Its my church in aussie by the way ) and the way it changed me, Those are my happy places and great times in my life. I know i cant think of beautiful sunset's now because ive lost mine, or the sweet sweet rising sun's, or wonderful beach views or even peaceful places like waterfall's, I cant think of those places because well its nice to view them with someone you love beside you rather then being alone, Till the day i can share those places with someone and who loves me in return, i wish i could be back in the place that made me truly happy... But i know so-long that i am stuck here in KL i will never, and life on a daily basis for me is dreadful...

Quote

2011-07-15T03:40:00.002+08:00

“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.” - Frank A. Clark quotes

Fallen

2011-07-15T03:25:00.004+08:00

Look's like its just me and you soon blog, a lot has happened and there has been no outlet for me. I thought i was strong like before, but i was wrong. As much as i try to help others, apparently im arrogant and egoistical in my preaches and i except that. Thou shalt not condemn those against me, but say a prayer that one day they would forgive me if i am wrong.

We should never let anyone else dictate our lives, but if it ourselves who view things sometimes that is true damaging, sometimes its the words of others, sometimes its others actions, true that it is only words but i know that some of the words spoken are honest. You are who you think you are, and by saying that i know that i am lost.

End Note: I hope that you would find someone better than i was, greater than i was, and nothing like i was. “May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.” Its not the end, but i know its coming. I'm not prepared but it something that has to be done.

Theodore Roosevelt

2011-05-26T03:27:00.002+08:00

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt

2011-05-21T06:30:00.002+08:00

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Fears are nothing more than states of mind fear comes from uncertainty. When we are absolutely certain, whether of our worth or worthlessness, we are almost impervious to fear. Thus a feeling of utter unworthiness can be a source of courage. I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experience behind him.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow is our destined way, but to act that each tomorrow may find us further than today.

take control

2011-05-21T06:28:00.000+08:00

Take control of your destiny. Believe in yourself. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. Don't give up and don't give in...

deepak Chopra

2011-05-21T06:19:00.000+08:00

"Life is the coexistence of all opposite values. Joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, up and down, hot and cold, here and there, light and darkness, birth and death. All experience is by contrast, and one would be meaningless without the other." - Deepak Chopra

humiliation

2011-05-21T06:17:00.000+08:00

Just as a stream flows smoothly on as long as it encounters no obstruction, so the nature of man and animal is such that we never really notice or become conscious of what is agreeable to our will; if we are to notice something, our will has to have been thwarted, has to have experienced a shock of some kind. If every day a man takes orders in silence from an incompetent superior, if every day he solemnly performs ritual acts which he privately finds ridiculous, if he unhesitatingly gives answers to questionnaires which are contrary to his real opinions and is prepared to deny his own self in public, if he sees no difficulty in feigning sympathy or even affection where, in fact, he feels only indifference or aversion, it still does not mean that he has entirely lost the use of one of the basic human senses, namely, the sense of humiliation.

bday

2011-05-19T18:13:00.001+08:00

Spent the whole day figuring out if i should wish her or not. In the end i didn't. She's probably having a blast like always! Hope she has a awesome year ahead, =)

Happy Birthday!

lazyness

2011-05-15T02:35:00.001+08:00

Lol, i guess my blog has become some what of a notepad to when i think i should say something or rather when i get inspired or depressed. How ever, be it as it may... Life is okay so far! =)

Ultimate measure

2011-05-09T04:08:00.002+08:00

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy, sometimes we have to believe before we can see. I do not write so that one day someone will think my words are inspiring. My words are not inspiring they are merely inspired. Even as the night skies come down on me all i can think of is the warmth of God that keeps me warm and safe. Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it rekindles the great. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. The greatest thing God has done through me in prayer is what he has done in me through prayer. I believe that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it... The one thing worse than a quitter is the person who is afraid to change.

love and happiness

2011-05-09T04:05:00.000+08:00

Love takes time. It needs a history of giving and receiving, laughing and crying... Love never promises instant gratification, only ultimate fulfillment. Love means believing in someone, in something. It supposes a willingness to struggle, to work, to suffer, and to rejoice. Satisfaction and ultimate fulfillment are by-products of dedicated love. They belong only to those who can reach beyond themselves; to whom giving is more important than receiving. Love is doing everything you can to help others build whatever dreams they have. Love involves much careful and active listening. It is doing whatever needs to be done, and saving whatever will promote the others happiness, security, and well-being. Sometimes, love hurts. Love is on a constant journey to what others need. It must be attentive, caring, and open, both to what others say and to what others cannot say... Love says no with empathy and great compassion. Love is firm, but when needed it must be tender. When others have tried and failed, love is the hand in yours in your moments of discouragement and disappointment. Love is reliable. Love is a choice and commitment to others' true and lasting happiness. It is dedicated to growth and fulfillment. Love is not selfish. Love sometimes fails for lack of wisdom or abundance of weakness, but it forgives, knowing the intentions are good. Love does not attach conditions....Genuine love is always a gift. Love realizes and accepts that there will be disagreements and disturbing emotions...There may be times when miles lay between, but love is a commitment. It believes and endures things. Love encourages freedom of self. Love shares positives and negatives reactions to warm and cold feelings. Love, intimate love, will never reject others. It is the first to encourage and the last to condemn. Love is a commitment to growth, happiness, and fulfillment of one another.

gary R blair

2011-05-03T04:08:00.000+08:00

“When one begins to purposefully perform acts of kindness, the spirit changes and soon doing good deeds becomes a focal point for our life; doing good begins to be the same as feeling good. The periods of emptiness when we search for the "meaning of it all" begin to fill with acts of kindness.” - Gary Ryan Blair

blogskin

2011-05-01T04:16:00.002+08:00

Im too old for this blogskin, im going to do a total rebuild soon as i have time! Back to plain white and black.

Tonight most of my questions and doubts were answered, i think im still to complacent to certain matters. Maybe that's why im always in the losing end, but then again its my nature. I hate this de javu feeling of worthlessness... my own downfall... nites all, have a blessed weekend.

Another saturday night

2011-04-30T04:02:00.002+08:00

I for got what it was to sit down and type my mind out and not sound like a bitch... lol!! haihz oh well.

Everyone wants success; yet, they often don't know when they have it. For most, success is the desire for a 'better life', or more quantities; however, success is not material wealth. It is not to be sought in the outside world, but discovered within. It is kindness shared, support given, and love sought. Success matters most when pain enters our lives. Pain hurts; yet, we must remember when tears are on the outside, healing is on the inside. Success will take us where we want to go; however, the designated driver of success lies somewhere hidden deep in the mysteries of love, loving someone is completely different from being in love with someone. If there’s love in your life, then there is your sense of purpose. Head and heart are indisputably connected.. Your still my dream come true and i truly miss you, Sometimes, it is the words left unspoken, that hurt the most!! Love is a risk; that is how it works - you play and if you win, great, if you lose, you learn your lessons and play again...

Where the mountains touch the sky where poets DREAM, where eagles fly A secret place above the crowds Just beneath marshmallow clouds lift your eyes to a snowy peak and see the soon- to- be we seek whisper DREAMS and let them rise To the mountains old and wise climbers climb, it's time to try where the mountains touch the sky Take me there. Oh take me now Someway, Someday, Somewhere, Somehow Where the ocean meets the sky where mermaid dance and seagulls fly A place in DREAMS I know so well The sea inside a single shell far across the living sea A pale blue possibility Beyond the castles made of sand Tomorrow in a small child's hand Only DREAMERS need apply. Where the forests reach the sky Men are equal and doves still fly No thorns of war, a perfect rose this is where the green grass grows Out beyond the crystal stream Like, I have a DREAM Imagine such a goal in sight for red and yellow, black and white whisper now, let the DREAM begin It's time to trust the truth within this is where we seek and find A gift in being colorblind Dream on Dreamers, hopes are high where the forests reach the sky take me there. Oh take me now Someway, Someday, Somewhere, Somehow. Now, listen close, the future calls "Build your bridges and tear down walls! " For time has taught and so it seems realities are born of DREAMS!!

Two days

2011-04-28T22:42:00.002+08:00

second day since i got back from the bangkok trip, and im still tired. spent half my day stuck in a jam and omg do i hate it...

Gotta continue this later, heading out to zouk now... hehe!

overvalue

2011-04-22T03:54:00.001+08:00

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. - Malcolm S. Forbes

going away

2011-04-22T03:52:00.003+08:00

Looks like ill be away and wont be able to blog for a few days, =)

Going off to play the Thailand Paintball Cup in Bangkok, and ill be back on tuesday! Kinda exited really, its out turn for redemption. lolx!

Hope everyone has a good weekend ahead... God bless!

may god give you

2011-04-21T03:40:00.002+08:00

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

Shouldt

2011-04-21T03:08:00.002+08:00

I shouldnt always run to my blog when only i feel depressed or troubled. Though many might tell me that blogging about my boring daily life is useless and not what a blog is about but, yeah... its my blog.

The meaning of life is to be who you are. Never ever change for anyone else. Live life to the fullest. Do not worry about the past, for it is gone and tomorrow may never come. Never take anything or anyone for granted, for we may never get to enjoy them again. Life is to find your passion, your heart, your soul, and live it. Never to give up hope and your dreams for dreams do come true, you will reach it if you try hard enough and you know that you can succeed, for a dreamer is a person who never gives up if you just put your mind to it and get away from the negative opinions of others. Life is a mystery in which we must search for the answer. When we think we have found it, we should then live by it and make the best of it. The meaning of Life is to survive and to live for yourself while living with others. To be happy and to not let oneself drown in sadness and despair. Survival through physical and emotional hardships. To accept what life is (struggle through obstacle) and to live it well with plenty of good stuff in between.

2011-04-19T08:03:00.000+08:00

"It's your ability to inspire and uplift other people that matters, not your ability to outdo them."

because of you

2011-04-19T04:41:00.002+08:00

Because of you, things make sense. You may not know this, but your the "center"...

reminder

2011-04-19T04:02:00.005+08:00

An eventful day i should say, never a dull boring one when your me. *whispering self praise is no praise*, Happy that i finally got my custom back bar for my truck, my boys COMPLETE!! hehe... yeah last mod for him.

I think that being with someone is always special, no matter who it is. Each relationship teaches you different things and brings out different things from you, though it may not seem evident at the moment. My girl reminded me mostly about responsibilities and how im not actually there yet, (not even close) but its always a fresh reminder that i need to get my life in gear instead of create fallbacks and excuses to not do so, although this year has been progressing better or its best since i got back from melbourne. I keep bringing aussie up because when i was there, i was alone... Literally, and when i was there my drive to succeed out weighted my drive to wait/procrastinate. If that even makes sense, here its like my life got re-winded back to when i was in sunway college days as if i was 17 again, because back home im sheltered by family and i always have been and by my mom (thought most of the time i don't need her to do things, its like automatic) around to settle most of the stuff, like house bills, etc... which i was use to doing. Sometimes even banking since malaysia banking system is the PITS!! Yeah my mom's my fall back here. How sad a 27yr old man, still relying on his mom to help him... Brings a lot of movies to mind doesn't it. well this aint a movie, its my pathetic life and dare i say it, im trying to change my perspective and kick myself in the ass if i could.

wish i was smart, should have chosen books over CS back then... probably have my own company by now.... errghhh wake up loser.

Like one of my quotes said "It doesn’t matter where you are now, you are nowhere compared to where you can go... Everyone faces challenges in life. It’s a matter of how you learn to overcome them and using them to your advantage.", and i know that everyone wants to be a good child, giving them back everything that they sacrificed for you bringing you up. I cant at the moment buy my parents diamonds, a car, or even a house (though i dont think we would ever move unless needed), or even help with the bills. And for that i do feel like a failure. But wait, i am... I hide behind the excuse that ive achieved everything in life i set my sights on except my degree's. I didnt finish one, and now im struggling to finish, always giving myself reasons why i failed when in fact, its my fault. Im a lousy son, always giving my parents a hard time with stuff and though i never say it enough, i love them dearly... They have always supported me, and i let them down.

But that was reminder why i promised myself last year 2010, that this year it's all going to change, that id better my self although not instantly but gradually. We all have reality slapped into our face from time to time, some accept it, some rebel from it, some deny it, and some just dont care... Ive learned that people who care about you will never be blunt... and you can hate them for it, but look at it this way. Life is tough so wake up, and we have to try hard, is not a joke or a game, its life. We grow only towards what we want to become, towards our own set responsibilities, each person varies. But their normally the same i reckon? Im considered a late bloomer, and i told my relative that "im way past late", in most peoples fantasy world "HEY WHO DOESNT WANT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE." I do, but i want to earn my way there. I think im past the stages where "omg i want that car, its a chick magnet" or "wish i had a big house", or even "i wish to be in high society"... Only in that my pea brain has grown i guess, i hope in the future i wana be the husband who provides and give security. Though at the moment, im no where near it... I will get there, and thats my dream! being able to give my parents everything, and my wife and kids.... woah did i just say that! lol, age is catching up!

My girl asked me a question i will always remember, "what drive you?" not sure if my initial answer was "you" but, (i think i said that) its my parents. So again, who ever is reading my boring ass blog.... "What drives you?" ever sit and wonder? Let just say we all sit on the same religious beliefs that God, has a plan for all of us. A path that you should take, would take, and could take? now, aside from that, books always tell you that "your future is what you make of it" or "the choices you make now, builds your future" something like that... I reckon, "IF YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH, GO GET IT"... (benji if your going.... FETCH BOY!! im going to south affrica and kicking your ass)... bugger, i lost my train of thought. I found this quote when i looking for answers before and it goes “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” were talking about fear, anxiety, and challenges... dammit just do it. =)

Yeah, im going to pack my bag for TPOC this weekend in Thailand, I didnt realize were going for 5days, im going to be so broke and im going to miss my baby! (i dont think the feelings going to be mutual) =x. Yeah so hence, i need to pack, and weight my bags at home.

I know that tomorrows going to be a good day, its going to be gooooooood!! Just have to remind myself that "who i was once before, was actually better than who i am now" though many will arugue that you should grow and be a better person. I think my growth may have went sideways or rather backwards, I believe and i know i was better before. glimpse of it was shown today, and im happy. slow steps being taken... Have a good day who ever is reading this! God bless...

End Note: Don't follow a dream you dream with your mind, follow a dream you dream with your heart even if you know that dream is impossible that it would ever come true sometimes a winner is a dreamer who never gave up it is better to reach for the stars and to drag your feet on the tops of the trees then to reach for the tops of the trees and drag your feet in the mud. To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he/she has already achieved but at what he aspires to.

preach

2011-04-19T00:49:00.000+08:00

I find it peculiar that when we are younger we act older and when we reach a certain age cough mid-life crisis we act as if we were 17 and were invincible. Sorry, i was actually referring to myself. Man im such a kid!! Practice what you preach is the kick phrase of the day ladies and gentleman... read it, know it, and do you darnedest to do it.

To be continued....

not feeling to good

2011-04-18T16:41:00.003+08:00

Here is a funny story, is it common to actually be very sick and as usual the doctor gives you meds to get better... then why is it that when i dont take it im better, and when i do i wake up feeling like road kill? this is weird, oh well no matter...

Just got a phone call from andrew from TorqueGear (the shop that does all my metal fabrication), i think i have to drive there to do the fitting for my new custom back bumper. So im going to head to sunway for a bit, then come back help my mom, then probably have more rest... Thailand paintball cup is in a few days i need to be better and 100%.

Have a good day everyone, though its almost over for most of you. I hope the journey home wont be so jam... =) Cheeriosss....

aunty alice

2011-04-18T04:35:00.000+08:00

We are often are most touched by those who show us courage and strength beyond their own infirmity and their passing is not an end to that courage, Aunty Alice thanks you for the years of love you've given me and the warm hugs, there's a place up in the sky, filled with people we love, It's up where angels fly, it's the heavens up above, where i know ill see you again.

ben okri

2011-04-18T04:22:00.001+08:00

“Only those who truly love and who are truly strong can sustain their lives as a dream. You dwell in your own enchantment. Life throws stones at you, but your love and your dream change those stones into the flowers of discovery. Even if you lose, or are defeated by things, your triumph will always be exemplary. And if no one knows it, then there are places that do. People like you enrich the dreams of the worlds, and it is dreams that create history. People like you are unknowing transformers of things, protected by your own fairy-tale, by love.” - Ben Okri

speak the truth

2011-04-18T04:17:00.001+08:00

“The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don’t have to remember what you said.”

Just finished editing

2011-04-18T03:00:00.002+08:00

I guess im pretty much done, my old blog look as it should be, i reset my counter and re-added the chatbox, also added back my IP tracking system and log file. People tend to forget that their IP address is easier to track now a days, in case i get flamed which i will and i know it, especially with my chat box, so hence my old trusty tracker and with some help, ill get their addressed and emails and contact if needed. Yeah you can tell ive done this before!

Feeling a little nostalgic though, lol! I edited stuff from decades ago since i was in Melbourne and im guessing things from 2009 since i saw some names who have long gone outta my life.

Well new chapters and more "boring stuff that makes no sense to anyone" postings coming up!

My blog was a place where i use to just be able to say anything i could and would, not caring about what others had to say about me because i know who i am, and i know which friends i hold dear and i know "only God can judge me" cliche i know but true. Since ive been home,its all about FACE, or who know this, who knows that, whose son/daughter she/he is, connections and power and greed. Far gone are the simpler small groups of friends, close nit and carefree from different places and different beliefs can just hang out and have good laughs.

Ive said this before but society here in KL, are always stuck the to the poor-middle-rich-super rich, when your poor/middle class the social classes are different, and when you mix around with the rich and so and so's your judged as a leach or a wanabe. That never use to matter, but i guess its how you look at it. There always two sides to a story ( So they say! ). But yeah, i still try to hang out with friends, not caring if their rich or not, i am conscious and wary of what people say, and yes it sometimes gets to me but hey, opinions are just like body parts (in a sense) everyone has them. Im not trying to pretend im rich, or my dad's a millionaire and i live in a big house with 5 cars, it just get tiresome to explain sometimes. (Kiko, nigel, anthony, Isky, Dre, Greg im not talking about you guys, if you eventual read this, i cherish your hospitality and friendship hehe you all know what im talking about). Im pretty sure a lot of people in KL, think im a pretender, well i know that i never once said i have more money than you do, or my dad somebody big or rich (famous yes lol in like the 70's) hahaha... imagining bellbottoms and tight shirts!!

So be it, this year's been nice, slow, and quiet. Lost a few "thought they were friends" and gained a lot more. Life's like that! I will never forget what an old friends use to say to me "adrian why is it every time your in a group of friends, and then they break up, or dont talk to me, or dont like me". I humbly said that it was my fault at the time, because i thought it was and i was trying to fix something i thought was worth it. I keep that in my mind all the time because i forgot to mention, i dont steal friends or need help in getting to know new ones. Secrets and the things i have about him, will remain non existent. Im not like that, i dont bury people, or i try not to. But yeah, i lost a lot of close friends who probably dont think very much of me to begin with, and why should they. Im not such a good friend after all, and deemed unworthy. I can honestly say, that was the last time i believed in friendship. Also tried with two "who i thought" were close friends, ended up the same. Their all right maybe its me, maybe im the one who needs a "REBOOT/RESET", but there's one thing i do know. Their better off now! Lesson learned, just thought id add that since im talking about this year and how im slightly different. Yeap the one who never grows up and dreams a lot...

Someone new to my blog probably think im a loser at this current moment, but then again i am not denying the truth. So i guess there nothing much i can lose by posting up my random stuff like before, so Mr/Mrs.Random friend or foe, welcome to grammar and spelling hell with a twist of contradictions and stupidity with a bit of "you need to grow up" for extra spice. At least this gets my pea brain active and moving and improve on my disgraceful spelling and grammar.

Besides that, I know ive lost who i am or rather the good (or rather trying to be good) person i was and i guess my stepping stone starts here. So i promised myself i wouldnt let my blog die again and leave it to rot like the past years and only update because i needed a place to vent, away from knife sharp eyes and comments. Yeah life's like that, everyone has something to say about you, be it good or bad. I let what people think and say effect my and who i am now, someone i cant even see everytime i wake up and wash my face in the morning. Life use to have a purpose, like waking up each day wasn't just a "ok its another day" kinda feeling. Hopefully from today onwards things would change, i really do prefer who i use to be. Though some may argue that im ok now, are those who dont know me well or my past. So yea, baby steps i guess, baby steps. Since ive been back ive been walking around as if the world owe me something, as if for everything wrong in my life i have to push the blame to someone or something or some unfortunate event or something just to push the blame away from myself. In the end, its my own downfall. Yeah, time to grow up!

I never once asked someone, or the people who said that to me before. How do you define grown up? Working? investing? Responsibilities? holding a stable job? Earning money? Investing? Getting your own home? paying for you own stuff? getting married? having a family? Funny, i know a lot of people with all of the above and they're not happy. What ever i just mentioned is life, everything you need. If money is what makes you happy then earn it, save it, invest in it, and when you grow older, enjoy it. Job's come and go, im lucky enough to try many and i still dont know what i want to do. Yeap, im a loser. I just wana earn money, to give back to my parents, and i dont pretty much care what i do so long im good at it, it can be picking up dog poo and wash kennels (thought in reality that wont bring back the bacon), so long i be a good son and give them back money. yeah i think im emphasized the importance towards my parents part. Yeah why not i just agree im a loser with no future "as commented and said by many" and ill see you a in a few years after my degree, hell you'd probably be my CEO by then but ill start from the bottom and work my way there, that is my goal. Because i dont have daddys or mommys big company to take over, hell id probably work in one of them and be in the mail room getting degraded everyday, then again whats the difference from everyday life? hurhur jokes on me i guess. Yeap im a loser.

Woah, i didnt know i wrote this much. yaw! been a long time for no random ranting and bitching and being all loser like.

I do wana end with this though, The day i saw you smile "a rather tipsy one" and you in that white/pink dress, was a day my heart finally skipped a beat after so long. Though even deleting from facebook as a "i dont know who you are and you pissing me off with all the wall updates", was still pretty funny. I heart you, though it may not seem like it. thank you, thank you for bringing back my smile. <3

End Quote: “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” ~ Albert Einstein.

everything you want

2011-04-17T16:29:00.001+08:00

“Everything you want should be yours: the type of work you want; the relationships you need; the social, mental, and aesthetic stimulation that will make you happy and fulfilled; the money you require for the lifestyle that is appropriate to you; and any requirement that you may (or may not) have for achievement or service to others. If you don’t aim for it all, you’ll never get it all. To aim for it requires that you know what you want” ~ Richard Koch

you

2010-11-02T08:09:00.001+08:00

I know one day ill find her, One day...

you...

2010-10-23T02:36:00.001+08:00

Thoughts of something running in my mind that would never happen in a million years, yet just the though of it brings a smile on my face... There is nothing out of reach, until we stop reaching for it.... Carpe Diem! There is no better moment than now..

when i saw you

2010-10-20T04:02:00.001+08:00

I got lost in your smile, and your voice just tingles my heart and it makes me smile... if only you knew!

disc

2010-10-19T04:03:00.001+08:00

Disconnecting...

wishes

2010-10-17T06:47:00.001+08:00

They say when you’re alone it’s better because nobody knows you. When no one’s your friend, it’s better because nobody leaves you and you wish you didn’t feel anything then it might be easy! When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out....

Dreamers

2010-10-17T06:46:00.000+08:00

Where the mountains touch the sky where poets DREAM, where eagles fly A secret place above the crowds Just beneath marshmallow clouds lift your eyes to a snowy peak and see the soon- to- be we seek whisper DREAMS and let them rise To the mountains old and wise climbers climb, it's time to try where the mountains touch the sky Take me there. Oh take me now Someway, Someday, Somewhere, Somehow Where the ocean meets the sky where mermaid dance and seagulls fly A place in DREAMS I know so well The sea inside a single shell far across the living sea A pale blue possibility Beyond the castles made of sand Tomorrow in a small child's hand Only DREAMERS need apply. Where the forests reach the sky Men are equal and doves still fly No thorns of war, a perfect rose this is where the green grass grows Out beyond the crystal stream Like, I have a DREAM Imagine such a goal in sight for red and yellow, black and white whisper now, let the DREAM begin It's time to trust the truth within this is where we seek and find A gift in being colorblind Dream on Dreamers, hopes are high where the forests reach the sky take me there. Oh take me now Someway, Someday, Somewhere, Somehow. Now, listen close, the future calls "Build your bridges and tear down walls! " For time has taught and so it seems realities are born of DREAMS!!

Weekend thoughs

2010-10-17T06:38:00.003+08:00

These past few days have thought me alot about you, and how disposable i am to you. I hate the fact that, i have become an item to you where by (when not needed) i am forgotten. Nice how stringing has a new found meaning to me, no one has ever done that to me but there is always a first time for everything. As much as it hurts knowing a lot has been forgotten and promises that now i know mean nothing, i was stupid to believe that people are true in heart. I think its time to start packing...

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it right im truly sorry that im trying so hard and believing in something that may not be there but in my heart there's only you...

Trash

2010-10-15T06:06:00.003+08:00

I didn't know i was disposable to you, after everything you said and promised... Thanks for making me feel like yesterdays trash.

I'm not just like some toy you can keep in the toy chest and bring it out whenever you feel like it, i thought more of you than that. Sadly i guess im wrong again...

Dawting pain...

2010-10-14T04:39:00.004+08:00

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the strength to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Love is the passion that we feel inside of our hearts that we can't hide. T We pretend to hide it but it burns us more and more until the pain grows and grows and it never ends.o love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can't do this... Why do we close our eyes when we sleep, when we cry, when we imagine, when we kiss, when we pray? Because, the most beautiful things in the world can not be seen with your eyes, it must be felt with your heart!!

It's not enough to have a dream, unless you're willing to pursue it. It's not enough to know what's right, unless you're strong enough to do it. It's not enough to learn the truth, unless you also learn to live it. It's not enough to reach for love, unless you care enough to give it. Men who are resolved to find a way for themselves will always find opportunities enough; and if they do not find them, they will make them, dreams do come true because i believed in a dream, and because it came true when you walked into my life 10 years later!!

Why love anyone, if losing hurts so much? We fall in love to know that we are not alone in the world... The bottom line is that people are never perfect, but love can be, that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect person, instead of creating the perfect love with someone... Lying is done with words and also with silence our lives begin to end, the day we become silent about things that matter to us. Impossible as they may seem, you've got to fight for every dream you believe in, because who knows which one you let go, could have made you complete...

Everyone thinks I like to sleep. It's not that I like to sleep, it's that I don't like to get up! There's a difference. Dream's do come true and when they do, dont let it go because you'll never know when another will happen, its just that sometimes you have too and you are forced to stop talking and let silence take it place replacing it with pain! I use to know it's love when i can't fall asleep because back then reality was better than my dreams... As much as you dont think i care, or am ignoring you i have no choice but in doing so, because your happiness is truly more than my own. Im happy your life is complete now, you and your boy are destined for greatness. Your life has just begun, and i wish you well...

Don't follow a dream you dream with your mind, follow a dream you dream with your heart, even if you know that dream is impossible or that it would ever come true. sometimes a winner is a dreamer who never gave up, it is better to reach for the stars and to drag your feet on the tops of the trees then to reach for the tops of the trees and drag your feet in the mud. To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he/she has already achieved but at what he aspires to. Memories i will never forget, a smile i would always carry, the laughs we shared i will always remember, the tear i shed for you never ending... Never had I seen the sun shine brighter, so little days seem so precious, my life so complete, and the feeling of my dreams being placed into the palms of my hands ...

Go Outside

2010-10-14T04:33:00.000+08:00

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.

Light And Dark

2010-10-13T05:21:00.000+08:00

The Light: God wants us to meet a few wrong people before finding the right one, so that when we finally find the right one, we will know how to be grateful. True Love is the stuff that holds you together and tears you apart, it makes you think about the right one at the wrong times. When true love is lost, it's like losing the air from your lungs because i know what that feelings like when everything you've ever known leaves you high and dry. Falling in love is a wonderful thing, but once it leaves your just never the same again... love is the hardest drug to quit but it is even harder when it is taken away from you, some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength, but there are times in life when it takes much more strength to just let go. Ive learned that love is a risk sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. Whether it's right or wrong, misery or joy, love don't have any space for mistakes, only lessons! One day, you're going to wake up and realize how much you care about him/her, and when that day comes, she'll wake up next to the guy/girl that already knows!

The Dark: Only lost souls know this feeling, fallen beyond redemption beyond the gates of hell the pain felt like an agonizing burn worst than heated steel burning human flesh worst than a dagger to the heart, a heart which still beats a soul once willing to give it all for one last taste of freedom. As every drop of blood is felt nothing more can be done but to wait with no answers to be heard no whispers to catch shattered is the one whos been waiting his whole life for that one word to set him free... Every last kiss, every last word still lingers in memory still as fresh just like it happened yesterday... the hardship the pain the anger the ungratefulness, each emotion burning with sadness. How could one soul do so much damage...

End Note: You are the dream i live with and the wish i made the name i will always whisper in every prayer i pray. There was a time where strength was the foundation of both our characters, its what made us "us" and only through hard times were we able to overcome what we had in front of us. It was nice how two human beings could be pillars of hope, strength, and support for each other come difficult circumstances and through rough patches they always knew that they would be there for each other. What are we without our virtues and values, a weak insignificant soul with nothing! Love is never perfect theres no such thing, but you can how ever create a perfect relationship something that could last a lifetime, remember me saying this: as two hearts combined may we mold together something that would never be broken, because when two entities stand alone they risk being broken, but when two entities are melted and molded together nothing can break them apart and they would have each other to support each other always. I may be a fool but ive been through too many wrongs just like this one... Ive had enough of this, choices already made smiles already exchanged, this is the way the cookie crumbles... Your happy now, you dont need me anymore...

Gods Strength

2010-10-13T05:16:00.001+08:00

I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed... God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them! One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering...

im feeling better now, have a good night everyone and have a good day tomorrow... nights!

Shakespeare

2010-10-13T05:05:00.001+08:00

In my stars I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness ;thrust upon em.

- William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

Safire Skies

2010-10-12T06:04:00.004+08:00

Sometimes we know that its hard leaving someone we love, harder still when we try our best to forget them! It has been said that it is hard to love someone, but even harder to forget them. To the few of you who have spoken to me lately about stuff, i guess this is for you girls and guys.

No matter how many people tell you things, and make you come to your senses in the end of the day when you get home to your comfy sanctuary called your room you start to look around it and think "what if?" and while that small sentence runs in your mind you think about all the good times you had and you then smile, asking yourself what to do next? you grab your phone and think about it, really think about it! Should i or should i not? to those who do, i dont blame you it is hard to just trow away memories and the love you share just like that!! And for those who dont, your mind is telling you that some better is on the horizon or as the old saying goes "The grass it greener on the other side" but after thinking about it for a bit, you ask yourself "what if?". I can tell you this, im in the same dam sampan as you! Remember that others can see what you see, why you love them the way you do, and why you always give in. It has always been that people on the outside see much better than people in the relationship, yes true true! But people on the outside dont feel the love and heartache as we do, although most have been there sometime or another its just not the same!

We always forgive those who hurt us and give them another chance, why? if i could answer that i would be earning millions but this is my two cents, some of us are scared of change, to face to world trying to find someone as good but if we try to compare others with your past we'll never be happy. We're scared that no one can accept us the way we are and even more love us as we are! Like i told a girlfriend the other day and many of my friends "It is not the amount of time or years you spend with that person, but its the moments in those years or months or weeks that take your breath away that truly count". Some of us are forced to forget the one we love, and some have a choice! I guess for me my choices were made a little easier since they already found someone else better, but i am with all my heart truly happy for them! Trying to find happiness is like trying to hit the lottery, what are the odds. Honestly its not loving someone that doesn't love you that's hard, its trying to let them go that is! You all deserve better, someone who see the light in you shine brighter than the morning star,that makes you smile even on the darkest of days! Someone who holds you in his/her arms, looking into their wonderful eyes and losing yourself to that one perfect moment in time where time stood still and there were only you and him, or you and her. those are the moments that keep you hanging on sometimes... in the end of the day, you choose who to be with because no one else can see what you see but always remember that there are people that are always behind you in whatever decision you make and would always be happy for you because in the end of the day, friends would always be there for you!

Safire skies: Questions i have will never reach you, maybe if i whisper it into the evening sky would the soft gentle wind carry it to you, and softly touch your gentle ears. This is what you wanted... im happy for you!

Quote for the night: "Love is the binding that holds you to your dreams. Love does not come over you, rather you choose to love. Only when you choose to love one forever and you stand by that dedication of love will you truly love for life and live happily ever after! The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever..."

Characted Quote

2010-10-09T21:13:00.001+08:00

Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
- Helen Keller

Back piece pt1

2010-10-09T16:34:00.002+08:00

I got tatted by Lina yesterday, i needed it so much. Like i explained to people before, tattoo's to me is a form of metal and emotional healing because as the pain goes through my body memories and heartache flow out. The pain well worth it, for the joy forthcoming and in all its adversity, a new lease in life where i was stuck before. I found my smile again, and i plan to keep it.

Everyone who comes in to our lives always leave with a memory or feeling, its like when you walk on the beach and you see the clear blue ocean, you take a walk down the white sandy beach and take in the peaceful bliss, and with every step you leave your footprint into the soft warm sand. I'll make myself clear people who come in and out of our lives will always leave a footprint in our heart's, and they will always take this special place in our hearts no matter what the circumstances come up. I look back in the past year's and realized how good in the head ive become and now how much God has helped me go through all the sh*t i went through and all the hard times i had when i was in melbourne alone and what i had to put up with, and how weak i am when im in the blinds that shut my eye's from reality or what everyone else call's LOVE. I had it bad and i didn't even know it, i regret the time i spent wasted on a single person being that in the end never even knew what she had. But then again with every defeat i had in the year i stood up, and picked myself up from the dirt i got shoved into just to turn around and face it again what an idiot i am sometimes. Its not how hard you fall, its how long it takes you to brush off the pain and dust to stand up and say "I took what you've thrown and at, Next?".

You know sometimes you spend all your life trying to help others you neglect to help yourself, but that depends on how you take life. For me i did what i could for who i could as much as i could, and i am always there for those who needed me the most and even if people take me for granted like a kitchen towel i was always there for them. Is that weakness or stupidity? You be the judge. I guess its true most of the time i get trembled over like road kill and just swept away by on coming traffic but who am i to judge them.

Why do i feel like a big time loser at this particular moment? oppss my bad i forgot i am... I let you lead me astray when you have already chosen. A chance i never got, and a chance now ill never take.

Remenicing

2010-10-09T16:30:00.002+08:00

God has a path for everyone, for those who believe in him lay their lives and surrender to him, some people like me before didn't see the reason till i felt him come into my life to show me where i should go like a lost lamb i was in the hill's he was my Sheppard here to guide me home. Me and my mom sometimes wonder what it would be like to be where we were before, and take a deep breath and say things can only get better from here on... I'm blessed with truly strong wonderful parents who in the past have had their share of bad times and bad luck but God put us through this to teach us, remind us, and show us the way of the Lord, and to remind us that happiness is not in personal possessions but the people and family around us. Money can never buy happiness but it makes good company in misery! I'm a lucky kid and i know it, to have friends and family around me all the time i have loads to thank God for and not one day i don't show my gratitude and thanks to him. It's hard times like this that really show or should i rather say brings out the man in me because survival is something that's within you and so it pure joy and happiness.

BETTER THINGS TO COME!!

The acid test of our faith in the promises of God is never found in the easy-going, comfortable ways of life, but in the great emergencies, the times of storm and of stress, the days of adversity, when all human aid fails. Faith is also a plea for the everlasting light, a thirst for this illumination and transfiguration. This light continues to shine, through the darkness and evil, through the drab grayness and dull routine of this world, like a ray of sun piercing through the clouds. It is recognized by the soul, it comforts the heart, it makes us feel alive, and it transfigures us from within.

God is God. Because He is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will, a will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to.

Fresh New Start

2010-10-09T16:26:00.000+08:00

"He who has learned to pray has learned the greatest secret of a holy and happy life."

In times of illness, anxiety or sorrow, when hope is most elusive, the Bible stands as a beacon of eternal solace and strength. There is much to be learned about suffering-its meaning and its impermanence, from both Testaments. Selections from Romans, Job and Psalms are among the many passages that will help you understand and transcend pain by reaffirming God's purpose and fortifying your faith when it is most severely challenged.

As the strongest faith may be shaken, so the weakest, where truth is, is so far rooted that it will prevail. Weakness with watchfulness will stand, when strength with too much confidence fails. Weakness, with acknowledgment of it, is the fittest seat and subject for God to perfect His strength in; for consciousness of our infirmities drives us out of ourselves to Him in whom our strength lies. !!

*AMEN*

Time to say good bye...

2010-10-05T23:14:00.000+08:00

What though the radiance which was once so bright, Be now for ever taken from my sight, Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower; i will grieve not, rather find Strength in what remains behind.

-William Wordsworth

Always

2010-10-01T04:50:00.002+08:00

To the girl who stole my heart and smile... Thank you.

Glam

2010-09-27T19:10:00.001+08:00

The time that my journey takes is long and the way of it long.

I came out on the chariot of the first gleam of light, and pursued my
voyage through the wildernesses of worlds leaving my track on many a star and planet.

It is the most distant course that comes nearest to thyself,
and that training is the most intricate which leads to the utter simplicity of a tune.

The traveler has to knock at every alien door to come to his own,
and one has to wander through all the outer worlds to reach the innermost shrine at the end.

My eyes strayed far and wide before I shut them and said `Here art thou!'

The question and the cry `Oh, where?' melt into tears of a thousand
streams and deluge the world with the flood of the assurance `I am Fine!

Dreamer

2010-09-25T06:08:00.004+08:00

Don't follow a dream you dream with your mind, follow a dream you dream with your heart even if you know that dream is impossible that it would ever come true sometimes a winner is a dreamer who never gives up it is better to reach for the stars and to drag your feet on the tops of the trees then to reach for the tops of the trees and drag your feet in the mud. To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he/she has already achieved but at what he aspires to. Memories i will never forget, a smile i would always carry, the laughs we shared i will always remember, the tear i shed for you never ending... Never had I seen the someone brighter, so little days seem so precious, my life so complete, and the feeling of my dreams being placed into the palms of my hands ... never had I, until the day you touched my soul with your love, your always in my heart… you filled that gap I’ve always wanted to fill-up…

Sometimes we all just need someone to love, i miss that feeling. The greatest love is one you give and receive in return...

PSALM 91

2010-09-25T06:04:00.000+08:00

PSALM 91
(The Living Bible)

We live within the shadow of the Almighty, sheltered by the God who is above all gods.

This we declare, that He alone is our refuge, our place of safety; He is our God, and we are trusting Him. For He rescues us from every trap, and protects us from the fatal plague. He will shield us with His wings! They will shelter us. His faithful promises are our armor. Now we don’t need to be afraid of the dark anymore, nor fear the dangers of the day, nor dread the plagues of darkness, nor disasters in the morning.

Though a thousand fall at our side, though ten thousand are dying around us, the evil will not touch us. We will see how the wicked are punished, but we will not share it, for Jehovah is our refuge! We choose the God above all gods to shelter us. How then can evil overtake us or any plagues come near? For He orders His angels to protect us wherever we go. They will steady us with their hands to keep us from stumbling against the rocks on the trail. We can safely meet a lion or step on poisonous snakes, yes, even trample them beneath our feet!

For the Lord says, “Because he loves me, I will rescue him; I will make him great because he trusts in my name. When he calls on me I will answer; I will be with him in trouble and rescue him and honor him. I will satisfy him with a full life and give him my salvation.”

< 3 v.1

2010-09-23T04:42:00.003+08:00

Love is like a mountain, hard to climb, but once you get to the top the view is beautiful its just like having a glimpse of heaven, thats what i think of when ever i see you... Love is knowing you will spend every day, of every week, of every month, of every season, of every year for the rest of your life with this person, and thinking, 'This is exactly what I want! love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I knew no other way than this, where 'I' does not exist, nor 'you'. So close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep... I will always love you more than yesterday!

The Power of a gun can kill, the power of fire can burn, the power of wind can chill, the power of the mind can learn, the power of anger can rage inside until it tears you apart. But, the power of a smile, especially yours, can heal a frozen heart. I am thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight. If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right. 'Cause I'm drowned in you, And I won't pull through, without you by my side... There are some things in life that can be said using words, but the true explanations of feelings come from the heart! Where else would any sane man want to be, but in your eyes, your heart, and your arms, a sea of passion ever moving, beating like my heart when I think of you... missing you JLSY <3...

In this life, ive found my peace and sadly so have you. But as the days go by and as times change i know that this pain im going through is worth it, because in the end of the day selflessness is an act only for the pure who always give and dont expect anything in return that is the only way i know how to live my own life to give and i dont expect anything in return! And although i may get hurt and used down the road i can always live with it... because i love you.

Wish this bad day could end, the worst part is the one i normally run to i cant even talk too... You will always be my priority. <3

Choices

2010-09-22T15:54:00.002+08:00

In life we have to make choices, some good and some bad but we have to live with that decision for the rest of our lives. You cant turn back time and you cant erase words said, i believe that you have to take life one step at a time and not just leap into the unknown, some argue with me that sometimes we have to take a step back and contemplate about the next decision. I say that you should take one step forward learning from your mistakes and moving forward towards a better future, but either way it is how you view the situation that your in because we all handle and view things differently.

Courage and strength to do something that we cannot do is what truly makes us who we are, remember that every decision we make could be the best decision we could have ever made. To be honest and i guess everyone can see it, i do miss her but i know that this is where God put us to remember the good times and be happy for one another plus she found someone better so i cannot be sad. We both want something new something that would give us that nudge that we need in life, i want something more someone that would appreciate the small little things done with a thank you! Time heals all wounds and the absence of hope give me a new life with great things to come with wonderful wonderful memories to make, i know God has something great installed for me and i can feel it and i will work towards what he has planned and i will always remain faithful that no matter how hard the road comes i will not yield for i am in the eyes of God and i know he will always guide me. For every prayer ive ever prayed i have seen it come true, for every forgiveness ive ever asked i have been forgiven, and for every breath i take, its a breath of faith restored. You cannot kill what is not truly yours, the heart, one can tell you that he or she does but it must be seen in the things you do for them that counts!! Im the luckiest man alive, not because i have money, not because i have loads of friends, not because i have everything i ever wanted well almost everything hehe... im lucky because throughout my life ive been lucky to have people share my journey, pains, and happiness and no matter how hard things got i stood up again and kept walking. I promised that i would always be there for those who need a helping hand even though i dont ask for help, those who know me well enough will always have their hand open for me and i thank God for those true friends.

It was my fault and im sorry, but atleast im doing something about all of it. you can always lock things up in a box and trow away the key but you can never predict how your going to feel after. I will always be happy for you and him, special is not just a word its something you know that you'll never find again... <3

wishing

2010-09-22T15:17:00.003+08:00

I could really use a wish right now...

The rain closes in quite close to what im feeling inside, its hard to do this but i promised and no matter how much it eats me inside ill do it. because i know its worth it... because your worth it!

great!

2010-09-22T03:45:00.000+08:00

You know how everyone has a great story to tell people about the one who got away? The one who they thought would have been "The One"? You know the one they could have spent a lifetime with? Stories of the one that moved you that inspired you? Its no lie everyone has someone out there and you always manage to find them when you least expect them to its hard because sometimes that time comes all wrong, you know maybe you're involved with someone or your still some how attached to someone well you get my point. You know loving someone that doesnt love you is like trying to reach for the stars? You know you'll never reach it but you just keep trying... thats me now sad as it seam's ive been chasing this one for a long time now and atleast i know where it stands now and what its going to be, i just know that i know where things are going to go and im not prepared for it but hey no regrets. Im talking like its the end huh? I guess some of you wish it would then you wouldn't worry so much about me... every person has a choice in life, weather good or bad its still their choice you know sometimes that choice might be the best choice you have ever made in your life and you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise... I sit here everyday alone in my room thinking of what might have been? sigh i feel so lost, god please help me! I cant even write well anymore, then again ive never been able to write well unless im super depressed and i cant eat or sleep still... easier to poison myself and leave this alone.

I did the nicest thing for someone in the past few years and i got burned for it. Just remember what we promised each other... thanks for the sms!

dreams

2010-09-21T12:44:00.002+08:00

Don't follow a dream you dream with your mind, follow a dream you dream with your heart even if you know that dream is impossible that it would ever come true sometimes a winner is a dreamer who never gave up it is better to reach for the stars and to drag your feet on the tops of the trees then to reach for the tops of the trees and drag your feet in the mud. To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he/she has already achieved but at what he aspires to. Memories i will never forget, a smile i would always carry, the laughs we shared i will always remember, the tears i shed for you never ending... Never had I seen the sun shine brighter, so little days seem so precious, my life so complete, and the feeling of my dreams being placed into the palms of my hands ...

sadness

2010-09-21T04:37:00.002+08:00

Sometimes all we need is just a little bit of love and that alone is enough to push us through limits we never knew we could conquer. Happiness is in the eye of the beholder but happiness is also what you perceive it to be, only you know what truly makes you happy and only you can see true happiness no one else but you. I never want to be steel because it can rust and eventually be brittle and break, i dont want to be glass because once its broken it can never be the same again, if i was water i will forever be a moving flow till the end... Having you to love is reason enough to celebrate because miracles do happen to those who truly believe in them! loving you is like a shoe, it cushions our walk through life...

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up, dreams are the only place you can escape to, to get a chance to leave a place behind that you may not want to return to, and go to a place you wish you could never leave. They are a way of letting you hold onto the things reality made you let go of. Where you are is where I want to be. Through your eyes are all the things I want to see. In the night, you are my dream, and you're everything to me.. It's not enough to have a dream, unless you're willing to pursue it. It's not enough to know what's right, unless you're strong enough to do it.It's not enough to learn the truth, unless you also learn to live it. It's not enough to reach for love, unless you care enough to give it. Men who are resolved to find a way for themselves will always find opportunities enough and if they do not find them, they will make them...

We want to dream because we want to be lost in our reality, for once with you reality was better than my dreams... i miss you! If only you could see that i want you all to myself for once...

:(

2010-09-20T18:40:00.001+08:00

Exit Wounds.

another day

2010-09-20T18:24:00.003+08:00

I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed... God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them! One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering...

There you were, leaving me in awe of how god created such a wonderful girl. Having you was a dream, being with you was like a bit of heaven, and letting go is like an arrow piercing my heart.

Time

2010-09-17T16:29:00.001+08:00

I forgot the most important thing, i forgot that you were also my friend, someone i could talk to and that would be around for me no matter what, Im sorry i made you feel that way puppy... <3

worry

2010-09-16T16:10:00.001+08:00

There is no amount of explanation that will justify what people put you through, there nothing more painful than worry and doubt. You dont do this to people that care about you! I'm tired of this.

Enjoy this quote: "That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests i...n your hair, this you can prevent. ~Chinese Proverb"

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. - Dale Carnegie

another night

2010-09-16T05:22:00.000+08:00

It was just another full of bullshit night. sigh! <3

Trying.

2010-09-15T20:23:00.001+08:00

The significance or trying has no substance if you cannot see what has been done, but there are many of us who try, do, and excecute with silence. Some people need to see the results, but those who can feel it understand it, sometimes it's not the drastic changes that must be shown but it can be seen and felt. ♥

A breath away

2010-09-15T01:06:00.000+08:00

Just a breath away so close yet so far given up most respect for never touched just spoken too. he is truly lucky what an honor to be among such precious entity, so precious ever so wanted among the worlds most beautiful diamond. ever so bright glowing within like such a rare find ever so special and unique. all one can do is stair at it in a distance like a rare sigh it self even rare would it be to hold it, such a beauty belongs only to those who are lucky enough. the game has been played and im in the losing end, no matter how many diamonds you have theres always one that you cherish the most which is the rarest in the world... to stop now would be wise to continue would be a fools journey but i would travel the highest mountains the thickest jungles to hold that rare diamond although its a never ending quest its one worth believing in, one worth fighting for, one worth giving all for... tears feel like acid rain, heart feels like its been stabbed at repeatedly bleeding this feeling not new but it feels like nothing before it, pain hurt agony, like its been ripped apart torn broken stepped on, like it was never there...

Familiarities

2010-09-15T00:55:00.001+08:00

The more I look around and listen I realize that I'm not alone. We are all facing choices that define us. No choice. However messy is without importance in the overall picture of our lives. We all at our own age have to claim something, even if it's... What we don't let out traps us. We think, No one else feels this way, I must be crazy. So we don't say anything. And we become enveloped by a deep loneliness, not knowing where our feelings come from or what to do with them. Ask your self Why do i feel this way? Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human...

Lifes Journey

2010-09-14T06:19:00.001+08:00

On life's journey Faith is nourishment, Virtuous deeds are a shelter, Wisdom is the light by day and Right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life nothing can destroy him; If he has conquered greed nothing can limit his freedom...

It is true that we shall not be able to reach perfection, but in our struggle toward it we shall strengthen our characters and give stability to our ideas, so that, whilst ever advancing calmly in the same direction, we shall be rendered capable of applying the faculties with which we have been gifted to the best possible account.

We are what we think.All that we are arises with our thoughts.With our thoughts, we make our world...

Rejoice

2010-09-14T05:46:00.001+08:00

Whenever you hear that someone else has been successful, rejoice. Always practice rejoicing for others whether your friend or your enemy. If you cannot practice rejoicing, no matter how long you live you will not be happy. View problems as challenges. Look upon negatives that arise as opportunities to learn and to grow, dont run from them condemn yourself, or bury your burden in saintly silence. You have a problem? Great, more grist for the mill, rejoice and dive in and investigate. That was my mistake for a always ran in confrontation and it was this mistake that i lost the one i truly love, i wont lie and hide that i dont think of her, i do but all i can do is be truthful to myself and be happy for her. There is within all of us great things, and great strength only through hard times and through heartache do we realize our potential for God created all man equal full of emotion and the strength and courage to do what in our minds we think we cannot do. We must die to each moment and allow life to express itself through us, our lives may not turn out to the in which the ego in us has imagined, but i can tell you this when we surrender to the truth of what is, we will find freedom beyond measure and as surely sa the river finds its way to the sea. If i have learned anything about love, it is that we do not choose who we love nor do we see it till its too late!

I will not permit myself to fall deep in negativity and depression again, i will not let negativity hamper my mind, body, and soul for i have the strength to face my fear's and my sadness with Gods help theres nothing i cannot do. Not many people admit they have a problem, im in the stages of building myself again, bringing myself from a past which i miss, a happiness not only given by love but by my chruch. God has a path for everyone and i shall live mine in all his glory, i need to take this one step forward and say life has more installed for me than this and live everyday with true joy, and happiness. I will be fine...

EndNote: Owning love is like trying to take possession of the air. You have taken cruelty to another lever, hard as it is to be silent, harder it is to live with questions in the heart.

For you...

2010-09-13T09:33:00.000+08:00

Love is created and preserved by intellectual analysis, for we love only that which is unique, and it belongs to contemplation not to action for we would not change that which we love but love them for what they are and not what we want them to be...

I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it... All i want is you is that so hard to believe that one man in this world truly thinks your it to him? The richest love is that which lasts through time apart to someday be together...

were born with love

2010-09-13T02:11:00.000+08:00

Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. ♥

You

2010-09-12T04:20:00.002+08:00

Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of their heart, and that depends upon how much he/she has polished it. Whoever has polished it more sees more more the unseen forms become manifested into those who believe in love. Twice in a year is more than i can take, and yet here i am again. A pain i hate to endure, and a place a swore never to come back to.

Im tired, i keep getting it wrong and i get hurt in the middle. I put faith into someone who in the end, is doing the same thing that everyone in my life does to me. Its unfair to me but i have to except the fact that things are the way they are i cant change it. I went through so much suffering in the beg of the year and took so much out of me to get back to my happy self, and here i am again. When someone questions love, they themselves has an infinite opinion on what it is, mine was simpler. You are the center of my life... it that alone could not explain things then im out of words to say.

hearts saying

2010-09-11T19:17:00.001+08:00

In our deepest moments of struggle, frustration, fear, and confusion, we are being called upon to reach in and touch our hearts. Then, we will know what to do, what to say, how to be. What is right is always in our deepest heart of hearts. It is from the deepest part of our hearts that we are capable of reaching out and touching another human being. It is, after all, one heart touching another heart.

love lost

2010-09-11T03:28:00.003+08:00

The greatest pain a man can bear, is letting someone he loves go to others are better than him and believing that he is never good enough. It is not that we ourselves are in capable of love, our definitions are different and our methods of communicating it are different. I lost in transition to another... and from that my grieving heart hears no tune.

After so long, i started to give myself false hopes and in the end i wasnt careful enough. If you care for someone enough, you'd be happy even if their happiness is not with you and in all sense of that saying, i am.

mssng u!

2010-09-05T06:20:00.001+08:00

Even though i know the night went well, its just this emptiness i feel because your not around. but then again, i cannot be selfish...

< 3

2010-09-05T06:14:00.001+08:00

Thou art so luckier, having good friends, family, and her! <3 *complete*

2010-09-05T06:12:00.002+08:00

Im sorry that you had to find out that my world doesn't evolve around you anymore. Im glad you found someone else, and for that he is one lucky guy.

2010-09-03T18:16:00.001+08:00

When circumstances seem impossible, when all signs of grace in you seem at their lowest ebb, when temptation is fiercest, when love and joy and hope seem well-nigh extinguished in your heart, then rest, without feeling and without emotion, in the Father's faithfulness.

Faith

2010-09-03T18:13:00.001+08:00

With a weak faith and a fearful heart, many a sinner stands before the Lord. It is not the strength of our faith, but the perfection of Christ's sacrifice that saves! No feebleness of faith, nor dimness of eye, no trembling of hand can change the efficacy of Christ's blood. The strength of our faith can add nothing to it, nor can the weakness of our faith take anything from Him. Faith (weak or strong) still reads the promise, "the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin." If at times my eye is so dim that I cannot read these words, through blinding tears or bewildering trials, faith rests itself on the certain knowledge of the fact that THE PROMISE IS THERE, and the blood of Christ remains in all its power and suitableness upon the altar, unchanged and unaffected.

Nostalgia

2010-09-03T17:20:00.001+08:00

Those who weep for the happy periods which they encounter in history acknowledge what they want, not the alleviation but the silencing of misery. For us, the best time is always yesterday. And there you were again, sitting in that picture as clear as day but as far to touch as the moon... I past and place i would love to go back to!

integrity

2010-09-02T05:03:00.001+08:00

“It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.” - Francis Bacon, Sr

pain

2010-08-23T18:37:00.000+08:00

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

I agree with Jim Morrison when he said.... “The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on and individual level. It's got to happen inside first. You can take away a man's political freedom and you won't hurt him- unless you take away his freedom to feel. That can destroy him. That kind of freedom can't be granted. Nobody can win it for you.”

my hair

2010-08-12T13:36:00.001+08:00

Just an update of my hair and added rosman and cincalok in!

9/8

2010-08-09T18:13:00.002+08:00

Maybe ill make it a point to start blogging again, kindda miss it because i only EMO BLOG! lol...

Had a great sunday out with friends, its been awhile since i had so much fun. Must also mention the non-stop eating... One sad thing yesterday is that the manager of NewYork NewYork Deli will be posted in China, i would have wanted him to see me finish their 8" burger. oh well... ill email him pictures hehe!

In the shop now, a little quiet. Ben's is doing his USP stuff and im online trying to enter an entertaining blog entry. Sadly im failing...

Going to go home in a bit to teman my mom to Amcorp mall and im going to get Taeyang album.

Time to head off, Have a good evening ahead everyone...

emopost2

2010-08-07T04:36:00.001+08:00

The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain, love is an emotion so strong that you would give up everything. To just feel it once, to know that you are part of something special. To know that you can feel what love really is; to know, to feel, to love. True love is like a teardrop in a rainstorm; you're lucky enough to find it once, but you will never find it again, you're not one of the reasons why life is worth living, not one of the reasons why I'm happy all day long, neither why I'll never feel alone you'll never be one of the reasons, because you'll always be the only reason ....

True love paves its way through things that are rough. It makes all the waiting, hurting, missing, and anxiousness seem worthwhile. It proves that a title won't make it any more real and that distance is a true test of feelings. Those in it only know what's right and that with it, anything is possible... Some people are worth fighting for and some are not, you will know which is which when your mind tell's you to give up and your heart still has that fire... I miss the feeling of loving someone and being loved back.

emopost1

2010-08-07T04:35:00.000+08:00

I know what it does to you, I know. Maybe that's why we hold on as hard as we do. We just can't believe that such a miracle can happen to us. But it can, someday you'll find it again. The worst pain in the world is knowing that she meant everything to you but you meant nothing to her. But, life goes on once you realize your own strength inside of you: the strength to realize that saying goodbye doesn't mean that you don't love the person anymore or that you don't want to keep them in your life. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you've the strength to let go and live your life to the fullest because you've learned that life really is good. You are strong and can only be as happy as you choose.

pauls pic

2010-08-07T04:29:00.000+08:00

Shane, Me, And G sitting on my truck!

2010-08-07T03:57:00.000+08:00

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale

been awhile

2010-08-07T03:39:00.002+08:00

Been awhile since i updates this blog, actually its been like maybe 5-6 months without leaving this window to go and check, but for good reasons i guess. I have since then been able to live life without her, but hence by saying that doesn't mean i don't think of her from time to time and when those times come, its the longest dam sigh i do.

Well besides the apparent, life goes on saying. Ive met a lot of interesting, caring friends who have helped me enjoy life and its ever so depressing days. And i am truly thankful for that. I moved away from a past i will never go back to, and people i will never forget or forgive, hence by saying that i have my reasons and my outlook on what had happened (water under the bridge).

Its a new life once i grad, one that i am truly looking forward to as a share holder in two upcoming companies and 3 partnerships i am also blessed to be in, I hope that and pray that God guides me and my friends towards slow great tidings and good times.

I realized that i have loads to say but am careful what i post here now a days, my views are not as positive as it use to be, but hence my mindset has changed. Slightly!

Trust is a hard thing to gain, and when its lost - like an old friend use to say "things are going to be very different now" indeed they are my friend, indeed they are.

I probably have more time to do this now, so i guess ill blog a bit more than before...

It is the fact that i am always in the loosing side of things that i dare log in today and say a few words, noticing that i never let go of the past and just find myself repeating it all the time. I think this has to stop, so in black and white (be it electronic or in pen and paper) this old sh!t friends story has to end. Grow up and move on adrian, in the end of the day it is not your loss. Like i use to say "those who care dont mind and those you mind dont matter" - hence they dont matter, but when they need a helping hand if ever, i am here as an old friend. never to share my life or thoughts with.

We always take things for granted, and only when things seem to fade away are we aware of it, or the importance of it. If so, if you do drift away from me i shall not hold you back. I shall let go with a heavy heart, as other happiness is always my priority, never with regret or anger i do what i did. Life opens doors where there are non, and opens your eyes to those around you. Be thankful for the gifts God has given you and the life god has given you, look forwards to tomorrow, and work hard today for a better tomorrow. In the end, you move your life, God only sails you in the right direction. He shalt never let you adrift, for we are all his sons and daughters, may the sun always shine on your back, and may the winds guide you to where life is at it most blissfull....

End Note: I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale

14/5

2010-05-14T03:31:00.003+08:00

Better to let others talk bad about you than you talk bad about them, we are never in control of what others say about us or do to us. They need to say and do things to you because of their own insecurities, and low self esteem. The guilty always feels the need to defend themselves, even when it if harms others in the process...

I am not shallow enough to sink to your level again, im disappointed. I now know that people are not who they seek out to be, and those who think their good aint really that good. I have seized believing in people since then, and still dont now hence i shall sit in my dark shallow corner where no one can touch me, and look at you live your life. One that people dont seem to see, but hey! Not my loss...

Never needed to sink to such a level where no one respects you... but then again those who do follow you and trust you, well... i must be wrong then! you such a great person that because of you, and because of who you are, you have destroyed others to get to where you are, and gain the people your with... so thank you! You shed light on why i dont and never will trust people...

13/5

2010-05-13T02:21:00.000+08:00

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes...

5/6

2010-05-06T13:53:00.001+08:00

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for
in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

28/4

2010-04-28T17:30:00.001+08:00

Its been hard, but i'll get there soon...

mpoc

2010-04-18T01:12:00.002+08:00

17/4

2010-04-17T01:31:00.003+08:00

It is not that i have not much to say, i have learned that saying what you feel is not appropriate to everyone. Why so? because not everyone can stomach the truth, and those who can... truly understand you.

Before i head to MPOC tomorrow morning, im going to keep my mind at ease, dream where im going to find my magic line and play my hardest...

I leave with this Quote: When i bunker someone is the greatest shot of adrenaline to be doing what you have wanted to do so badly. You almost feel like you could fly without wings...

3OH3!

2010-03-24T00:48:00.001+08:00

23/3

2010-03-23T01:04:00.004+08:00

23/3

2010-03-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

wow havent blogged in awhile, guess ill be blogging a lot more soon-ish... Life's quiet not, but not peaceful just quiet. Been busy with tournaments and Uni, trying to get this double degree done up and DONE WITH!!

My biggest obstacle is LAW LAW LAW!! Criminal LAW!! GG

anyhow its all good... Have a good week ahead everyone, and God Bless.

5/3

2010-03-05T02:12:00.001+08:00

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
Harriet Tubman